Sunday, February 3rd, 2002
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6:45 pm
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You fo-got I was a Ninja, mothafuckaaa!
current mood: ninja.
current music: buy my horse dividers! suckers!
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( 5 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Saturday, February 2nd, 2002
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3:42 pm
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i keep opening my mouth to give the impression that i'm talking to someone.
but there isn't anyone who i can give the impression to.
"speech and words are limiting."
however without them we're left cursing our /previous pretentious/ theories.
it's always something.
isn't it.
always something after the last stressful occurance has been shot in the back.
it dies, decays into the soil, grows into grass and is eaten by the next annoyance causing you further worry.
i'm ready to kill my crops to starve my worries.
i don't know what that means quite yet.
/alliteration./
current mood: laryngitis.
current music: weezer - you gave your love to me softly.
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( 6 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Tuesday, January 29th, 2002
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6:32 pm
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assignment for creative writing:
"some days you keep your hand closed"
some days you keep your hand closed
on the johnny walker red
nails
your fingers prone to grime
slowly shaking
curved and brittle
blessed like your crimson stains.
hum.
phlegm is rampant, neverending supply in the back of my throat.
it's probably necessary that i start going to class as well.
disappointment here i come.
"you know, hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."
current mood:  restless
current music: elliot smith - bled white.
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( 18 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Sunday, January 27th, 2002
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6:57 pm
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the play went incredibly, end of story.
i got away with sleeping over at boy's house.
thanks to the help of scheming, friends and phone calls.
empty house + jacuzzi (spelling? crazy word) = something worth risking getting into immense trouble for.
no matter what the consequences.
today resulted in:
- a couple close calls.
- a damn good morning, mhm.
- father leaving for croatia.
- mother in continual pissy mood.
- bonding experience making cookies with otherwise irritating 11 and 13 year olds.
- watching Rain Man.
i give you the impossible.
a more than bearable sunday.
current mood:  dirty
current music: the pixies - where is my mind.
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( 7 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002
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5:24 pm - the result of a mid-day sleep.
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it was all reflected in lost conciousness
i saw girls drowning under white cotton sheets
one grinning somehow sanely
with red-brown blood around her eyes
the dogs that snarled at the chipped white door
in the middle of the sky
standing, facing the horizon
it shut and pulled and locked again
but yellow lights then started flashing
poking spheres into my back
and a hollow man began to scream and shake
and move around the sun
his eyes were blue and black and gold and green
eyes like dogs who ate his feet
and that horrific, bitter meaning
when he'd stumble on his words
some reacurring feeling
that i'd had the dream before.
current mood:  confused
current music: alkaline trio - clavicle.
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( 7 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Monday, January 21st, 2002
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7:08 pm
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i'm doing my best to work on my senior page pictures.
but it doesn't have the appeal that it had when i was a freshman.
and i keep going over my lines because opening night is thursday.
i did, however, do a double photo of slava and i from last night:
( Do these dreams have any meaning. )
current mood:  accomplished
current music: bright eyes - something vague.
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( 8 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Saturday, January 19th, 2002
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3:26 pm
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Thursday, January 17th, 2002
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11:11 am - i am in love with sifl.
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Monday, January 14th, 2002
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4:41 pm
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my new icon could beat your icon in hand-to-hand combat.
it means something when the person doesn't tell you that they're leaving anymore.
something significant.
something i know, but that i don't want to make the effort to acknowledge.
so that i can rectify the situation.
i'm such a selfish human being.
and the simple fact that most human beings are selfish is not an excuse.
i have an hour.
and i'm spending it writing this.
on and off.
watching the remains of my apple turn brown.
it's taking it's time.
"a watched apple core never turns brown."
this song is my song of the day.
look below.
current mood:  sleepy
current music: le tigre - my my metrocard.
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( 9 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Thursday, January 10th, 2002
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6:02 pm
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recent realizations:
i am drawn to people with nice eyebrows.
i cannot stop tweazing my own eyebrows.
i have a fear of falling forwards when i walk down stairs.
i have a fear of falling backwards when i walk up stairs.
you will never truly know the smell of your own house.
current mood:  jubilant
current music: modest mouse - it always rains on a picnic.
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( 19 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Wednesday, January 9th, 2002
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4:28 pm
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i have a date with a college counseler.
monday: 2:30 p.m.
SPEAKING of college, look at this ridiculous-ness i just found on the table:
what a drag.
really something to look forward to, huh?
the small print not shown reads-
We will address questions of concern to parents and students such as:
1. What excites you most about the prospects of next year?
2. What do you fear most about the prospects of next year?
etc, etc, i won't subject you to any more.
despite the fact that i myself will be subjected to roughly 3 hours and 15 minutes of it.
current mood:  discontent
current music: mates of state - everyone needs an editor.
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( 3 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Sunday, January 6th, 2002
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9:41 pm
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VARDAMAN
My mother is a fish.
***
Waking Life was quite the movie.
the sort of film where you immediately know that you'd like to see it again.
plus i saw it at the foundry.
all movies everywhere should cost $3.
rilo kiley in my mail slot in a week or so.
i miss holding your hand in the car already.
current mood: here,
current music: bright eyes - an attempt to tip the scales.
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( 12 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002
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12:56 am
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dull grey lines
as the crowning event
fair and white lying there
never meant
to be moving this way
underhand
underneath
push the settings again
moving mouth
still alone
tomorrows a yesterday
i'm tilted
still on hold
make your breath a disease
hold on to breaking
and manage to say please.
current mood:  thirsty
current music: bright eyes - a perfect sonnet.
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( 6 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Sunday, December 30th, 2001
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3:02 pm
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i came home last night.
i left this:
and during that period, i was actually anticipating coming home.
i think i was on drugs.
completely unaware, but on drugs.
royal tenenbaums: wonderful.
new digital camera: pretty nice but fairly mediocre.
weather here: makes me want to kill myself.
funds: non-existant.
feet: cold.
time for a warm bath.
current mood: hungry
current music: built to spill - cortez the killer.
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( 6 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Friday, December 21st, 2001
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10:32 pm - and now it's time to say good-bye.. to all our company.. M-I-C..
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C-ya real soon!
K-E-Y.. why? because we like you!
M-O-U-S-Eeee..
(is it pathetic that i remember that?)
so guess who's going to the virgin islands for a week?
yes, of course, it's me.
i bet the suspense of that one line was killing you.
i know i won't be missed.
it's something i've accepted.
overcoming denial, first step of many.. 12 or so.
but i wish you all a Merry Christmas!, etc etc.
and if i don't have e-mail up there..
boy, i have your hanukkah presents and i think (hope) that you'll like them.
and i wrapped them all seperately.
expect for one, he refused to be wrapped. (ooh, what does that mean?)
and i miss you terribly.
oh, and i had the chance to see the royal tenenbaums with everyone but i declined!
yeah but all your presents fucking OWN me, you had better love them all.
plus, if you don't like them you have me.
and i'm the gift that keeps on giving.
and taking occasionally.
current mood:  productive
current music: get up kids - one year later.
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( 13 tugs | pull my daisy )
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8:02 pm
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01. I hurt: when i've hurt someone else.
02. I love: not as much as i can.
03. I hate: the irritation of the moment.
04. I cry: too often.
05. I fear: pain.
06. I hope: i can learn how to ____.
07. I sadden: when it can't be avoided.
08. I feel alone: when i feel hollow.
09. I kill: only when it's neccessary.
10. I talk: to my dog.
11. I listen: to not enough music.
12. I break: cell phones.
13. I see: a penguin
14. I smell: damn good.
15. I taste: damn good.
16. I work: on learning how to work.
17. I remember: what i want to remember.
18. I hold: on.
19. I hide: whatever hurts.
20. I pray: when jesus flies.
21. I walk: because i don't drive.
22. I drive: in the passengers seat.
23. I read: warning labels.
24. I burn: the evidence.
25. I breathe: every now and then.
26. I play: like a little girl.
27. I miss: everything i've had and lost.
28. I touch: myself.
29. I learn: when i'm open to being taught.
30. I feel: too much.
31. I know: who i am.
32. I said: i'm coming, hold your horses.
33. I dream: when i'm lost.
34. I have: things i don't deserve.
35. I want: to be able to see.
36. I fall: into visible traps.
37. I wait: even though i'm impaitient.
38. I need: something i may already have.
39. I live: for life.
40. I die: when i'm good and ready.
current mood:  pleased
current music: the strokes - hard to explain.
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( 2 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Thursday, December 20th, 2001
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11:34 pm - what in the world is in that CASE, what you got in that CASE?
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wasted black eyeliner kohl pencil
no soho tonight-o.
argument with my father
adults don't enjoy it when you tell them they're in a rotten mood
when you show them you're actually paying attention
maybe stubborn
but i'm not budging
hell no.
i deleted an entire poem
i deserve a fucking hug
hugs, i tell you, hugs!
cold toes, nose, cold ankles
numerous online conversations blurring together
is it a crime that i want to click the x?
click, click, gone, woo
hum.
hi
i miss you.
i wonder why that won't go away
ringing
i need to stop chewing my nails
might just become an addict
then it's time for NBA (nail biters anonymous) and my life takes a turn for the worst
becca can't spell literally* but i'm the one on crack
looks like i win again bizatch.
i want to see the royal tenenbaums.
current mood:  groggy
current music: weezer - getchoo.
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( 9 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Monday, December 17th, 2001
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12:37 pm
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Congratulations, Justine!
Your Ultimate IQ score is 129
Your Intellectual Type is a Visionary Philosopher
Like Plato, your mind's strengths allow you to think ahead of the game ? to imagine or anticipate what should come next in just about any situation.
Take the Ultimate IQ Test at Emode.com
current mood: no mood applies.
current music: saves the day - i'll melt with you. (cover)
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( 10 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Saturday, December 15th, 2001
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9:46 pm
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my head hurts tremendously.
a cup of lemon tea.
no substitute for honey and lemon.
everybody's got screwed up stories.
everybody's got gruesome details.
but you'll never get mine.
current mood: pessimistic
current music: john vanderslice - gruesome details
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( 7 tugs | pull my daisy )
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Wednesday, December 12th, 2001
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2:57 pm - i've got so many girls across the globe.
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crookedspin's journal
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